we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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