That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
