Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
