the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
