Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
