I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
