her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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