Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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