Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
