I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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