Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
