she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
