this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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