the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
