I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
