Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
