well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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