I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
