her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
