Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
