I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize