God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
