im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
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In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
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Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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