Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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