Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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