He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
