I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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