i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
