I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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