everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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