God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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