So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
