I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
