i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.