if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?