so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
