I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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