I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?