she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.