If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
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its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
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don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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