thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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