I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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