So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
