The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
