I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
