He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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