I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
