thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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