Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
