I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
