He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
