is your mom at the bar?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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