If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
