the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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