we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
