I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
