Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
