By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
