You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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