I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
