There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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