He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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