I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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