he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
