and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
