yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
