I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
