It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
