We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
