I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
