I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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