I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
