A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
