it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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