I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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