the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
