i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
