The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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