you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
pop tarts are not kleenex
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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