I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
