She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I want a musical about memes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
