i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
