So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
