Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
