I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
